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A while back I picked up the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk and had one of those lightbulb moments. The authors explain that when we describe what a child does ("You put away all your blocks") rather than offering evaluative praise ("Good job cleaning up!"), children complement themselves, get a dopamine release, and develop intrinsic motivation.
This doesn't just apply to children—it's relevant for adults too. When someone witnesses what we did rather than sharing how they feel about what we did, we internalize our own value instead of seeking external validation.
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Two years ago, my life was at a major turning point. I had just made the difficult decision to transition out of my role as a nonprofit executive while simultaneously processing new diagnoses of ADHD and anxiety.
In what felt like perfect timing, my coach introduced me to a mental fitness program that transformed how I understood myself and my leadership style. For the first time, I came face-to-face with my "saboteurs" – those inner voices that had been dictating how I led, reacted, and moved through the world. Through this work, I discovered my particular trio: the Controller, the Pleaser, and the Restless. While these patterns had helped me succeed in the past, they were now the very things preventing me from becoming the leader I wanted to be – and they were deeply intertwined with my ADHD and anxiety in ways I was only beginning to understand. Everyone's saboteur pattern is uniquely their own and comes with their own unique but equally harmful costs. You might recognize some of these saboteur patterns... For much of my life, I believed that my value came from having the answers. Whether in school, work, or relationships, I felt an intense pressure to be the problem-solver, the leader, the person who could fix everything. Perhaps you've felt this too – the exhausting role of being the person who always needs to know what to do.
The cost of always having answers This need to have all the answers comes with a price: it limits our ability to connect with others and prevents us from seeing the wisdom and capability in those around us. After years in nonprofit leadership roles, I discovered what many leaders face – achieving goals but at an unsustainable personal cost and not leaving space for and unlocking the potential of the people around you. I have personally benefitted from the transformational power of having a coach and want to make it accessible to those who are committed to making a difference.
In 2024, I am thrilled to offer one complimentary coaching session each week to community leaders and change makers. This offering is tailored to help you tap into the magnificent life you deserve and enhance your effectiveness in contributing to the well-being of our community, planet, and future generations. While we often have aspirations for our physical fitness, what about our mental well-being? I'm thrilled to announce my collaboration with life strategist and creativity coach, Cynthia Gregory, to introduce the 7-week Positive Intelligence (PQ) program to my clients and friends, starting January 10, 2024. If enhancing your mental health is on your list of resolutions for the coming year, the PQ program could be the transformative tool you've been seeking.
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