"Psst... Your saboteurs might be showing..."

Two years ago, my life was at a major turning point. I had just made the difficult decision to transition out of my role as a nonprofit executive while simultaneously processing new diagnoses of ADHD and anxiety.

In what felt like perfect timing, my coach introduced me to a mental fitness program that transformed how I understood myself and my leadership style. For the first time, I came face-to-face with my "saboteurs" – those inner voices that had been dictating how I led, reacted, and moved through the world.
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Through this work, I discovered my particular trio: the Controller, the Pleaser, and the Restless. While these patterns had helped me succeed in the past, they were now the very things preventing me from becoming the leader I wanted to be – and they were deeply intertwined with my ADHD and anxiety in ways I was only beginning to understand.
Everyone's saboteur pattern is uniquely their own and comes with their own unique but equally harmful costs. You might recognize some of these saboteur patterns...

The Controller: taking charge with high anxiety when things aren't within your control

• The Pleaser: gaining acceptance by helping others while neglecting your own needs
• The Restless: constantly seeking the next exciting activity, rarely content with the present
• The Hyper-Vigilant: constantly scanning for what could go wrong, with anxiety that never rests
• The Victim: focusing on emotional pain and feeling others don't understand your suffering
• The Hyper-Achiever: never satisfied with success, always needing more achievements to feel worthy
• The Avoider: staying positive while dodging difficult conversations and unpleasant tasks
• The Stickler: getting caught in perfectionism and rigid standards that create unnecessary stress
• The Hyper-Rational: over-intellectualizing emotions and relationships, appearing cold or distant

The Hidden Cost
These saboteurs come with a price: they drain our mental energy, strain our relationships, and keep us from accessing our full potential. And here's the tricky part – they're incredibly persuasive. Your saboteurs will make compelling arguments for why we need to be this way: "You have to control everything or it will all fall apart," "You need to achieve more or you'll never be enough," "You have to stay vigilant or you'll get hurt." I used to think my Controller was keeping everything running smoothly – and it had very convincing reasons why this was true – but it was actually preventing me from trusting others and seeing their capabilities.

A Path Forward
The first step in working with our saboteurs is simply identifying them. I invite you to take this free saboteur assessment. It's a useful tool that helps you start to understand your unique pattern of saboteurs and how they show up in your life. Taking this assessment was my first step toward understanding why I kept hitting the same walls despite my best intentions.

What Changed?
Now, learning to recognize these patterns was like finally seeing the invisible strings that had been pulling me in different directions. When I could name my saboteurs, I could choose whether to listen to them. While my Controller is still a pretty loud, I'm now better equipped to smile, acknowledge it, and choose a different way.

Practical Steps for Working with Saboteurs
As a Leader or Manager:  Start each morning by asking: "Which saboteur might show up today?" Before each meeting, take 30 seconds to set an intention to lead from your inner wisdom rather than reactive saboteurs. Share the concept of saboteurs with your team and create space for team members to discuss their saboteur edges. 
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In Personal Relationships: Before reactive conversations, pause and name which saboteur is present. Practice saying "I need to think about that" instead of immediate yes/no responses. Create a signal with loved ones to lovingly call out saboteur patterns. Create a personal pause routine for heated moments.

Personal Development: Start noticing when your own saboteur voices appear in your day:

• When anxiety rises about what could go wrong
• When you're pushing yourself despite exhaustion
• When you're taking on others' problems and feelings as your own
• When you're avoiding important conversations
• When you're stuck in analysis paralysis

Progress Over Perfection
This work isn't about eliminating our saboteurs – it's about developing a new relationship with them. Each time you notice a pattern, you're building awareness. Each time you choose a different response, you're creating new neural pathways. This is the path to lasting change.

I invite you to start today: What's one small way you could experiment with responding differently to a familiar trigger?

An Invitation
If this resonates with your journey, I encourage you to join my next small group 7-week mental fitness program starting in March, where we'll explore these patterns together and develop practical tools for moving beyond them. This program is complimentary for existing consulting and coaching clients and I offer scholarships for nonprofit leaders and community changemakers.

I believe this work is transformative – not just for us as individuals, but for how we show up in our organizations and communities. I'd love to hear your story and explore how this work might support your journey.

In service,
Megan

P.S.: What patterns do you recognize in your own life? I'm always eager to hear others' experiences and insights.