am i being fake — or just growing?
“You get to author your authenticity”
For a long time, I thought being authentic meant being unfiltered. Raw. Telling it like it is. Saying what you feel, not softening yourself for anyone. If it was messy, it was real. If it was polished, it was fake.
Last year, my coach said something that blew my mind:
"Author and authenticity come from the same root word¹ . You. get. to. create. who. you. are."
…
Authenticity literally means to be the originator of yourself. The one who acts on their own authority. The author of your own story.
Which means authenticity isn't about letting whatever happens, happen. It's about deliberately creating the person you want to be. Just as a writer shapes and crafts their work with purpose, we can shape who we are. We can choose our values, tend our character, decide how we want to show up.
I'll be honest — I'm still in the middle of this. A personal project of mine right now is to feel fully ME whether I’m alone at home, hanging out with my kids, at work with clients, out and about in community, or writing a blog. Honoring my being and connecting with others sometimes feels like they're pulling in different directions.
I don't have it figured out. What I do have is a better framework than I did before that is working for me.
So What Does That Actually Look Like?
Something I learned in my coaching training has stuck with me: authenticity has three qualities — and when one is off, you can usually feel it.
Fierce courage means expressing your truth, especially difficult truths. It implies a certain quality of communication spoken with intention and heart. It's the content of what you say and how you choose to say it.
Connection supports living in alignment with your values and making room for all the parts of you. It's about how you show up with and for yourself first — and letting that become the foundation for how you show up with everyone else. When you’re connected to the ways of being that matter most to you, you naturally create closer relationships with others that are supportive of this way of being - and vice versa.
Aliveness confirms you’re experiencing life fully, both in the body and mind. It's characterized by a sense of vitality and gratitude, present-moment awareness, and an embodied experience (like feeling your heartbeat). Aliveness serves as both a symptom and a cause of authenticity. When you’re authentic, you feel more alive; when you pursue what makes you feel alive, you become more authentic.
These three work like the legs of a stool. Without courage, connection stays superficial. Without connection, courage loses its heart. Without aliveness, both feel like going through the motions.
A quick gut check
Take a moment right now to rate yourself on each quality from 1-10:
Fierce Courage: ___/10
Connection: ___/10
Aliveness: ___/10
Your lowest score is probably where to start. What's one small thing that would honor that part of you today? A conversation you've been avoiding. A boundary you've been softening. Ten minutes doing something that makes you feel genuinely alive.
That's authoring. Small choices made on purpose over time.
This Is Yours
You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to know exactly who your authentic self is yet. I certainly don't. But you can start authoring that person today.
What are you writing?
Warmly, Megan
¹ For the word nerds among us: both words trace back to the ancient Greek autos, meaning "self," and authentes — one who acts on their own authority. The originator. The one who brings something into being. From there it traveled into Latin as auctor — a creator, a founder, someone who gives something its existence. That's where we get author.