 When was the last time you caught yourself thinking: "I'll be happy when X happens"?
When I get the promotion. When I finish this project. When I have more time, more money, more energy. When things finally settle down. Here's what we all know logically but it’s so hard to remember - that "when" has a way of coming and going, leaving us looking around for the next mountain to climb. The Waiting Game We so often treat our goals like hurdles standing between our current state and some future version of ourselves who finally has it all figured out. Who finally feels content. Who finally gets to exhale.
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 I've been flip-flopping for months about signing up for a community garden plot.
This 10x4ft raised bed has a lot of potential—full sun, endless possibilities for flowers, tomatoes, and salad greens. I've had dreams of this space being a home for my creativity and a way to be outside with my family and connect with the earth. But then there are the weeds, the soil that's likely devoid of nutrients, the time I don't have. What if I wasted my energy? What if I failed? Over the weekend, I asked my 12 year old son if he wanted to bring this dream to life. Not only did he say yes, but hours later he followed up: "So are you going to get that plot then?" That powerful question was the edge I needed.  Before you read this, try something with me. Close your eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. Place your hand on your heart and ask yourself: when someone last offered you genuine appreciation, did you let it in? Or did you push it away before it could really land?
I'm going to get personal. Receiving compliments and gifts makes me uncomfortable. When someone tells me I did a good job, my immediate response is to deflect: "Oh, it was really no big deal." When someone offers me a gift, I wish I had a present to give right back to them. It's easy to kid myself that this is humility. What I know now is that it's fear of the intimacy of being in deep connection with others. When Receiving Becomes Giving I was fourteen when my cousin tried to pay me for babysitting. I pushed the money away—"No, don't worry about it." Have you ever noticed how certain places make you feel more like yourself? How stepping into your favorite café suddenly makes creative ideas flow, or how a particular room in your house makes you feel more calm, light, and centered?
What's equally telling—and often more important to recognize—are the spaces that seem to pull you in older versions of yourself. The office where you automatically become more cautious. The family kitchen where you lose yourself in tending to everyone else's needs. The childhood bedroom where you feel fourteen again. We don't just occupy spaces—they occupy us. And sometimes, the next phase of our growth requires us to change our scenery. Confession… I am a little obsessive about not letting anything slip through the cracks.
I aim to write down every task, deadline, and commitment I make to myself and to others and I check in on my list multiple times a day. And I love checking items off this list. But earlier this year I realized something important was slipping through the cracks: I was getting lost in doing what I do rather than being who I am. That's when I started creating my "to-be" list. |
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