Who is the 'real you,' anyway?
For a long time, I thought being authentic meant being unfiltered. Raw. Telling it like it is.
The problem? That definition left me constantly at war with myself. If raw = real, then who was I when I was thoughtful? Polished? More curated? Was the professional version of me a performance? Was the tired, unguarded version the truth?
I didn't know who the "real me" actually was.
Then my coach said something to me that changed everything:
"Author and authenticity come from the same root word.¹ You. Get. To. Create. Who. You. Are."
Authenticity doesn't mean letting whatever happens, happen. It means being the originator of yourself — the one who acts on your own authority. Just as a writer shapes their work with intention, we can shape who we are. We can choose our values, tend our character, decide how we want to show up.
That's a very different thing than just being unfiltered.
I've stopped trying to figure out who the "real me" is and started making choices about who I want to be. That shift gave me something practical to work with.
The 3 pillars of authenticity
Something I learned in my coaching training has stuck with me: Authenticity has three pillars — and when one is off, you can usually feel it.
Fierce Courage means expressing your truth, especially the difficult parts. It's not about being blunt — it's about speaking with intention and heart. The content of what you say, and how you choose to say it.
Connection means living in alignment with your values and making room for all the parts of you. It starts with how you show up with and for yourself — and becomes the foundation for how you show up with everyone else.
Aliveness means experiencing life fully, in both body and mind. Vitality. Gratitude. Present-moment awareness. The feeling of your own heartbeat. Aliveness is both a symptom and a cause of authenticity — when you're authentic, you feel more alive; when you pursue what makes you feel alive, you become more authentic.
These three work like the legs of a stool. Without courage, connection stays superficial. Without connection, courage loses its heart. Without aliveness, both feel like going through the motions.
A quick gut check
Take a moment right now to rate yourself on each quality from 1-10:
Fierce Courage: ___/10
Connection: ___/10
Aliveness: ___/10
Your lowest score is probably where to start. What's one small thing that would honor that part of you today? A conversation you've been avoiding. A boundary you've been softening. Ten minutes doing something that makes you feel genuinely alive.
That's authoring. Small choices made on purpose over time. The more intentional you are about fierce courage, connection, and aliveness, I believe the more fully yourself you become.
What are you writing in the book of you today?
¹ For the word nerds among us: both “Authenticity” and “Author” trace back to the ancient Greek autos, meaning "self," and authentes — one who acts on their own authority. The originator. The one who brings something into being. From there it traveled into Latin as auctor — a creator, a founder, someone who gives something its existence. That's where we get author.
